Fran Lebowitz Quotes, Sayings, Remarks, Thoughts and Speeches



Fran Lebowitz Quotes and Sayings


  • 1
    All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 2
    Andy Warhol made fame more famous. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 3
    As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 4
    Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 5
    Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 6
    Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 7
    Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 8
    Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 9
    Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 10
    Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 11
    Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 12
    Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 13
    Food is an important part of a balanced diet. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 14
    Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 15
    Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 16
    Humility is no substitute for a good personality. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 17
    I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 18
    I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 19
    I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood? Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 20
    I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 21
    I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word - politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 22
    I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 23
    If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 24
    If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 25
    If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 26
    If you're going to America, bring your own food. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 27
    In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 28
    In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 29
    Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 30
    My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores. Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 31
    My favorite animal is steak. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 32
    Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 33
    Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 34
    No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 35
    Nothing succeeds like address. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 36
    Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 37
    Polite conversation is rarely either. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 38
    Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 39
    Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 40
    Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 41
    Scientists - the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 42
    Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 43
    Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 44
    The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 45
    The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 46
    The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 47
    There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 48
    To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 49
    Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 50
    Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 51
    When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 52
    You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 53
    You're only as good as your last haircut. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF
  • 54
    Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try. Fran Lebowitz | Refcard PDF

 

  

  

 

  

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